Darkness Light Sprouting Growing Blooming Thriving Basking Choked Scorched Plucked Smashed Crushed Drained Shriveled Dead. Darkness…

Meditations on Matthew 5:4 – “Comforted” Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Chloe and Maddy have both been waking up with nightmares recently. It’s interesting to hear what they find terrifying. “Chloe wasn’t sharing with me!” “What happened to the worms?” “I forgot to tell Daddy goodnight!” During the nightmare of […]

Lend me your words,for I have noneto describe the thingthat has blackened the sun. It’s invisible to meAnd all I can see. It’s huge, engulfs everythingso big that it’s nothing. Nothing I can articulateno words to help you relate. The experience? What happened?that’s simple enough to explain:I watched my unformed baby go down the drain.Shooting […]

1/11/22 I feel like I’m at the mouth of a deep pit. It’s pitch black down there Despair’s long fingers, like spiders legs, Wrapped around me, Threatening to pull me in. I don’t resist, but I know I’m not going down there… not yet. It must be God’s grace by the prayers of his people, […]

You took my babyYou took my strengthYou took my healthYou took my cognitionYou took my habitsYou took my planYou took my smileYou took my joy. And yes, I know the difference between joy and happiness. It’s my joy that You took. You took my Christmas celebrationYou took my husband’s vacation You left me my heart, […]

2/3/22 My babies vanish like wisps of smokefrom a freshly extinguished candle.Any attempt to grasp themdissipates them more quickly. Helplessly, all I can do is watch them waft heavenwardand then they are gonewithout even memories to cling to.Only the memory that they were.For just a moment,they were. And now they are not. Yet, wretchedly,like the […]

I think when my story is all toldthe one who was in controlwill be clear to see.It was never me.In eternityI’ll clearly seeHe was holding me,He is holding me. But we’re told in this life to be steadfast for a reason.Because in this seasonwe’re living on our knees andwe see dimly, not clearly.With our eyes […]

9/16/2021 Dear Peace,I know you’re in paradise sweet girl. And in my deepest gloom that thought is a ray of hope that penetrates my heart. I know you have a smile on your face and a song in your heart. I know your broken body was left behind here on earth, and that your spirit […]

I tried to find you, baby,to hold you just one timeto sing one quiet song over youto say one nursery rhyme. I tried to find your broken body,I couldn’t see it anywhere.You hadn’t grown your fingers yet,your toes, your eyes, your hair. I tried to find you, Darling Child,but it was just too hard to […]