Miscarriage is not pretty, so this won’t be a pretty blog.

Yet God promises us His peace. He promises He will turn our ashes to beauty. He says that He works all things together for good for those who love Him.

Though I write of thorns, roses abound.

In September 2021 we lost a baby at 8 weeks gestation. We named her Peace.

In December 2021 we lost another baby. We named him Ash. 

Rob and I felt comfortable assuming the first was a girl, but didn’t feel the same with the second. I’ll call Ash a him for simplicity and clarity, but we chose a gender neutral name for a reason.

I’ll use this blog as a place to post things I’ve written that have brought me comfort or clarity. They will likely not be published here any time soon after I’ve written them, so they won’t be reflective necessarily of that day’s feelings. But I find it cathartic to share my writings, and several friends and family have told me they appreciate what I’ve shared so far. So here I am, inviting you to read some of my most personal and vulnerable thoughts.

I wrote each piece for me, not for anybody else. Meaning, I don’t explain myself. I think you’ll find a lot of solid biblical truth here, but you’ll also find the truth of vulnerability. I may share something written before I found my conclusion on the theme in Scripture and the Lord. Sometimes we just have to sit in pain and confusion without answers, so much of this will reflect that.

I don’t know if what I write counts as poetry, but it’s certainly not your typical blog post. I’m not really offering guidance. I’m not far enough on this journey to do that. But what I can offer is solidarity. Solidarity specifically for miscarriage, but also more broadly for suffering in general.

Miscarriage is not pretty. It’s brutal. It’s violent and bloody. And I’m not going to hold back on this blog. Because it won’t serve any of us if I do. It won’t serve me because what’s the point of being fake-vulnerable? It won’t serve you if you’ve experienced miscarriage, because you need to know you’re not alone. And if you have not experienced it, I think my brutal honesty will help you know how to support your friends who’ve have miscarriage written into their story.

I love you all, and God loves you even more.

~Janie