Lend me your words,
for I have none
to describe the thing
that has blackened the sun.

It’s invisible to me
And all I can see.

It’s huge, engulfs everything
so big that it’s nothing.

Nothing I can articulate
no words to help you relate.

The experience? What happened?
that’s simple enough to explain:
I watched my unformed baby go down the drain.
Shooting pain.
Blood that wouldn’t be contained.
An explosion in my brain.

Now do you see
Why it’s not so easy
To tell you what happened to me?

The emotions I knew checked out that day.
New ones came to stay.

They’re not forthcoming, the new guys…
Once I get to know one he rips off his disguise.
The ones I start to trust just make me cry.

So lend me your words,
didn’t this also happen to you?

Oh I see…
You’ve lost your words, too.

Mine are no good, but you can have them if you want them.
I used to be able to make sense of the events of my life by wrapping them up in words.
The invisible things would take on shape as I found words that would adhere to them.
When I could wrap an ugly thing in beautiful words it would transform into something I could at least understand.
Few words adhere to this monster taking main stage in my life.
I can’t make it something it’s not.
I can’t ad lib around it.
I can’t improv with a silent actor who won’t show his face.
I’ve tried to close the curtain and turn out the theater lights ’til the director shows up but the audience won’t leave.

How do you write lyrics
for a thing you cannot comprehend?
How do you find the rhythm
when you don’t know the plan?

How do you describe “forest”
if you don’t understand “tree”?

Now do you see
why it’s not so easy
to tell you what’s happening in me?